


I’m just curious, Is it serious?

by theothr_amy



Category: Derry Girls
Genre: Based on a Hayley Kiyoko Song, F/F, F/M, and part my own experiences lmao, but nothing that would bump a rating, heavy/underage drinking, some mild pda both het and gay, this is just pure angst im not gonna lie to you, unrequited love/affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-21 10:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13739229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theothr_amy/pseuds/theothr_amy
Summary: Several drinks later, and it was safe to say that Clare was wrecked. She had never actually drunk before, let alone so much in so little time. Granted, she’d had communion wine before, but this was a whole new kettle of fish.Clare contemplates the nature of her and Erin’s relationship





	I’m just curious, Is it serious?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic took wayyy to long lmao, partly based on my own experience, partly on the video for “Girls like Girls” and the songs “Sleepover”, “Curious” and “Feelings” which all absolutely slap

_“I need a drink_  
Whisky ain’t my thing  
But shit its all good” 

Some how the girls had been invited to another of Jenny Joyce’s parties. None of them had any clue as to why, but they all eagerly accepted their invites with no hesitation; not being at this party would be social suicide. As always Clare was justifiably nervous at the idea of heading to Jenny’s house. The last party had ended in a “walk of shame” of sorts, as the teens had all been forced out of her house at the measly hour of 8:45 after Erin called ‘her’ Ukrainian a prostitute. Obviously this caused some tension between the group and Jenny (only heightened by Clare’s coming out via school paper) so it was a relief to finally be on the good side of the head prefect again. 

The group had spent all day together preparing, picking out outfits and the such (Michelle wanted to avoid Clare showing up in another Union Jack dress). This allowed Clare and Erin to sneak away and hide themselves in the bathroom. 

The two had had an odd relationship for some time now, something was happening but neither of them seemed to know quite what it was. They would interact romantically while alone and then barely interact as a group. A ravine was forming, and Clare felt that she was close to falling through. So any moment to bridge the gap to Erin was essential. 

They found themselves on the floor of Erin’s bathroom, their collective makeup hoard sprinkled around them. “Hey,” Erin’s voice caused Clare to jump, the two had been in a comfortable silence for a while, while playing with different features of their hair and makeup.

“Could you pass me the light pink lipgloss?” Clare could hardly pull her own eyes away from Erin’s. She was desperately urging herself to say something, anything about their relationship. Yet another part of her remained motionless, unwilling to risk the stepping stones— If this relationship was worth saving, if it were any sort of relationship at all, then Erin would be making just as much of an effort, surely. 

“oh- uh , sure thing” She leant backward, slightly disappointed to be breaking their eye contact, the one last bridge, to give Erin what she wanted. She dropped the lipgloss, a hideous cheap affair that she had purchased several years ago and completely forgotten about, into Erin’s hand. Clare ignored the way their hand brushed, she ignored that it was the first real, organic contact they’d had in weeks, and she ignored the jump in her heart rate as they touched. 

She desperately attempted to pull her eyes away from Erin’s lips as se watched the girl apply the gloss. The bright pink and iridescent gloss covered Erin’s lips in one smooth motion. Erin capped the tube and placed it back on the floor before grabbing a mirror. Clare knew how important this party was to the ever status hungry Erin. Yet some part of her-some morbid and demanding part of her- wanted to keep Erin all to herself. She wanted to keep Erin still and calm in this moment forever, relaxed and at bay. And hers, entirely hers. Not the property of some boy named David, nor the property of the school, the world. Just Clare’s, Clare’s Erin. 

All too soon though, their moment ended. Erin gave Clare a nod to prompt them to return to the main bed room and join the others. She could only nod in reply- this room was her sanctuary, to leave it would mean her demise. Yet leave they must, as Erin’s dad was already calling the gang to join him in the car and begin their trek to the wealthier segment of town. 

Clare took the seat the middle, with Orla at the front; James and Michelle had decided they could fit in one seat and instead took up most of Clare’s seat. She placed her hand down on the small area of the chair between her and Erin, praying, pleading for Erin’s hand to move closer to her own. But Erin moved further away, turning to gaze out of the window, deepening the ravine between the pair. Clare gently twisted her bright pink bracelet , staring at the matching one on Erin’s wrist. The only physical reminder of their relationship. Did it all mean nothing to her? 

She refused to cry, but but something inside her was deeply hurt.  
—————  
**_“You wanna be friends forever,  
I can think of something better”_**

_Clare has never felt so safe before, curled up in Erin’s arms. They should be studying, but the two of them gave up hours ago to make ribbon bracelets and do this instead. Erin nuzzles her nose into Clare’s forehead, and Clare feels like she may die at any second. The girls had been meaning to spend some time together and their up coming english exam provided an excellent excuse for them to curl against each other and find comfort. Lying here with her girl makes Clare wonder what took her so long to come out. It especially makes her think, it was all worth it in the end._

——————  
_“You’ve been out of reach,_  
should you explain  
I think that you should”

All too soon her sweet agony was over, they had arrived at Jenny’s. 

The group piled out of Gerry Quinn’s car. “Erin, I’ll pick you up at 10:30. Understand?” Erin made a noise as if to protest “We’ve been over this, no later than half ten, do you understand?” he replied slightly condescendingly. Erin sighed before agreeing and waving her father off, Orla joined in the wave.

“Well this’ll be shite” Erin stated purposefully, before marching up to Jenny’s porch. Orla followed her along obediently and Michelle made a noise of non comital, before dragging the final two members of their group up to Jenny’s

Erin spotted David from across the room as soon as they entered and almost jumped out of her skin. “Christ! Lads its David- no one look!” She pulled her jacket around her body to try and conceal her presence. She dramatically flicked her fringe down to try and hide her face. Her aim was to seem effortlessly cool and nonchalant, however like all of her recent attempts, she came off looking desperate and, in Clare’s opinion slightly sad. They all play along regardless, all avoiding eye contact with David to emphasise Erin’s eye contact with him. Moving in different ways to talk to others. 

Erin slowly made her way towards him and something about their interaction seemed odd to Clare, it unsettled her slightly, she moved forward as to intervene but had her movements blocked by Michelle. She jumped in front of Clare and whipped a small bottle of vodka from her bra. “C’mon Clare, it’s time we got you fucked up” She wiggles the bottle suggestively to punctuate each word, dancing her eyebrows to the same motion.

“Uh no thanks” Clare gazed up and over Michelle’s shoulder to scan the crowd for David and Erin. There was no sign of them, only Orla making a swift dash to the kitchen. She sighed and caved to Michelle’s request “Oh go on then”

“WAY! James! Go grab this girl a glass!” Michelle shouted, punching the air with her vodka filled hand. James slunk off into the kitchen, seemingly okay with being commanded by his cousin in return for cheap alcohol. Michelle slung an arm around Clare, pulling her close “Y’know- I’m so glad I met you Clare, you’re a class lass” She gave a quick snort at the accidental rhyme. 

“Are you drunk? -Already?” Clare asked, highly suspicious that she already knew the answer.

“Listen, Clare, that may be true, but also shut up” Michelle was clearly ‘fucked’ as she had began to awkwardly sway to a non existent beat. James returned with three cups half filled with coke. 

“Yes! Right lads, lets get this motherfucking party started!” Michelle exclaimed before topping up the cups with copious amounts of alcohol.  
———————  
_**“I’m hooked on all these feelings,**_ **  
**I know exactly what I’m feeling  
I laugh about it/Dream about that casual touch”

_“Clare” Erin groaned, dragging out the last syllable of her name. “I’m bored”. The shorter blonde couldn’t help but giggle, Erin had been complaining for the last hour about her boredom. Despite the fact that she was the one who had started the call. The two girls had been on the phone for easily two hours now, much to the disdain of both of their parents, who hadn’t been able to make any calls and had lost their daughters to the hallways. The two girls had been calling each other regularly for weeks, the girls talked in hushed whispers, ensuring that their parents would never know what they were discussing.”I wanna see you”_

_“Erin, I can’t, its eight and its a school night” Clare protested_

_“I know, but I only need like, a minute, tops” Erin demanded_

_Clare sighed “Okay, I’ll meet you at the corner in ten minutes” Erin squealed with glee down the phone with delight._

_“okay! See you in ten!”_

_The girls met up by the corner, Clare anxiously fiddling with her obnoxious pink watch. She grinned with delight as she saw Erin walk down the road. The girls shared a quick hug, Clare glanced around nervously after the fact- worried that she wouldn’t make it home in time for her curfew or that somehow her parents would notice that she had snuck out.”So, uh- what did you want?”_

_“Just to give you something” Erin smiled that devilish smile that made Clare slightly weak at the knees and a little bit breathless._

_“Oh?” she managed to ask, despite Erin’s frankly gorgeous face. Before she could even blink, Erin had pulled her forward, their faces and lips flush. Clare squeaked, a mixture of shock and bliss. All too soon Erin pulled away “That’s all”_

_Clare could hardly remember how to breathe_

————————  
_“I’m just curious,  
Is it serious?”_

Several drinks later, and it was safe to say that Clare was wrecked. She had never actually drunk before, let alone so much in so little time. Granted, she’d had communion wine before, but this was a whole new kettle of fish. She wasn’t entirely sure of how she got here, but all she knew was that she was laid down on a bed somewhere in Jenny’s house. Maybe Michelle had put her down somewhere? Or maybe James had dropped her off? Either way, she didn’t think she was capable of moving herself much, or indeed at all. 

 

She tried to rake through her memories to find out how she got here. All she could really remember was a conversation between Erin and David that she must have overheard. Hushed whispers in a corridor could only spell danger for her and Erin. She faintly remembered a warning, from Erin to David- talks about kissing and sobriety. 

She pushed on more. David and Erin, sneaking away from the main party. Someone cried, was it her? maybe. 

She could hear moving in the corridor- was someone coming to get her? They noises moved closer and Clare could recognise Erin’s voice, was it already time to leave? She groaned in anticipation, she really needed to get some air. 

Erin bursted into the room, David with both arms wrapped around her, gently kissing the area behind her ear. Erin giggled and played at brushing him off. “Shhh David, Jenny’ll hear us.” she fake pleaded

“Screw Jenny” David whispered, continuing his motions. Clare shot up out the bed ;a bad choice considering how much she had had to drink. 

“Erin? What are you doing?” She tried her hardest to sound authoritative and commanding, but due to the state her head was in, she was unable to speak very loudly or with much vigour. 

“What are you doing Clare?” Erin pushed David off, for real this time.

“I don’t know, I was minding my own business until you came in with David doing his best impression of a toothless vampire on you!” She was shocked, horrified even, it wasn’t that long ago that she had been the one around Erin’s waist. David was completely confused, he had no idea what exactly was happening but could somehow sense it was his fault. 

“I should probably leave” He said, motioning toward the door 

“No, David stay- Clare was just leaving” Erin turned to grab David’s jacket in both hands, pulling him closer.

“No she wasn’t actually” Clare protested before falling back on the bed, immediately regretting it as the motion made her slightly ill.

“Yea, I’m just gonna leave, I need to go anyway” David stated, before exiting the room, not entirely sure of what just happened. 

“Oh well done Clare!” Erin spat “Thanks a lot! Some best friend you are!” her sardonic tone bit sharply at Clare. 

“Best friend?” Clare exclaimed, “Since when were we only best friends?” She used her arms to leaver her up to meet Erin’s gaze “After everything between us, just best friends?” She was confused and hurt, and so so drunk.

“Did you really think we were something more than friends?” Erin sat herself on the end of the bed, a move that would normally send Clare into sharp blushes now made her feel ill. “Aye, catch yourself on Clare” she snorted

Clare was hurt, she could barely stop the tears scrolling down her cheeks, “We kissed Erin” she spoke in a hushed whisper- careful that anyone could hear “Did that mean nothing to you?” She was finding it harder and harder to stop herself from completely breaking down.

“It’s not that-“ Erin broke off into a wince “I need someone that I can be with, always without some sort of judgement” Erin placed a hand on Clare’s leg, the other girl just rolled over. “I need some who isn’t scared and can be with me in public” 

“That shouldn’t matter Erin!” Clare retorted, unable to take much more of this “I should be enough, you should need some fucking reward” Erin winced again, Clare hardly ever swore, unless the situation was aptly dire “I should be enough for you!” 

Erin turned away, unable to face up to what she had caused. The canon had deepened and both girls had fallen in. “ I’m sorry, Clare”

Clare barked with laughter “Sorry! Oh, now you’re sorry!” She couldn’t believe what a shit attempt that was at fixing this “I’m glad that you and David can have some safe, boring relationship.” She was choking on her words, the alcohol really tested her abilities “I will never get that Erin, never, with any girl I date. There will always be danger and judgement. You can’t just give up because it’s hard” 

Erin glanced at the floor. She hadn’t thought about that. “I really am sorry Clare”

“Yea, I heard.” Clare rolled back over, unwilling to meet Erin’s eyes. “Just, can I ask?” Erin perked up at the question.

“You and David?” Clare continued before she could stop herself “Is it serious?”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi/prompt me @lesbianthirteeen on tumblr


End file.
